


The universe hates you

by Leafling



Series: Oneshots [5]
Category: Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Book/Movie Fusion, Because it doesn't get enough props, Book 1: The Lightning Thief, Boys Kissing, Boys Will Be Boys, Did it for the lols, Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives, Humor, Humorous Ending, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Not Beta Read, Not Serious, Obligatory Capture the Flag Fic, Percy is my favorite punching bag, Sexuality Crisis, The Author Regrets Nothing, lol, written ages ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-07 12:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5456201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leafling/pseuds/Leafling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anything that can go wrong, will—at the worst possible moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The universe hates you

**Author's Note:**

> So, first, I'm not dead. And two, I have a New Year's resolution: every month I will be posting at least three one shots. Yaaaaay for finding a bunch of pretty decent story drafts on my sister's computer! 
> 
> So, my first story of the new year is a little something I wrote ages ago... I think maybe a month after I saw The Lightning Thief for the first time? As usual, it's not beta-read because I'm too lazy.

They're running through the woods, zipping past trees and leaping over exposed roots, never looking back as they charge forth with the opposition's flag. The sound of grass crunching echoes around them as they're being chased, flashes of red catching in the corner of Percy's eye as he runs closely behind his mentor. He guesses that's what Luke is, being much older and experienced than the rest of the campers Percy had met.

Luke carries the flag with both hands, the red banner waving in the breeze as he maneuvers around the thicket effortlessly. Percy's no poet, but the level of skill and grace Luke possessed deserved a more dignified description than  _he looked cool doing it_. 

Luke's sword hangs from his hip, dangling from a precarious-looking sheath attached to his belt. Percy meanwhile carries his in-hand, the age old adage of not running with scissors coming to mind whenever he slips on a moss covered rock or just barely ducks down in time to miss hitting a low hanging vine.   
  
It would be embarrassing to die out here, Percy thinks, in the middle of a game of capture the flag.  _Dangerous,_ ** _potentially deadly_** _capture the flag_ , but capture the flag nonetheless.  
  
The sound of the others gaining on them makes Percy's blood run cold. He could swear someone was _howling_. Seriously. What the actual fuck?  
  
Suddenly, someone darts out from the overgrowth and takes them off guard. He’s got a bow and arrow and Percy has about three seconds to realize that the guy plans on  _ **shooting them**_ it. (Because, _of course_ , there’s no way he just wanted to show them how cool it looked. _Nope!_ )  

Instinctively, Percy pushes Luke out of the way.  He’s already super attached to him, it’s not like he’s gonna let him die or anything. 

The arrow zooms through the air like a god damned missile, slicing the space beside Percy's cheek as he collides hard with Luke's side.  _That was close!_ He thinks, eyes following the arrow until it ultimately disappears beyond his line of sight. 

It takes a second to register after realizing that he’s just saved Luke’s life to realize they’re  _still_ falling. STILL? The air rushing past his face makes him instantly aware of the fact that they’re still falling because he’s just pushed them off a cliff. **_A cliff._**   _Well_ _fuck_. 

It goes without saying that Luke loses the flag. The thing kind of bails on them, the wind magically picking it up and carrying it away as if the flag had had a will of its own. 

Upon awakening, (because  _ **of course**_  they had blacked out from a fall like that) Percy finds himself staring up at the sky. It’s significantly cloudier now than it was before… 

 _WAIT, he’s alive?!_ Percy raises his hands to his face, touching his cheeks to make fully sure he was really there. There’s an audible sigh of relief and then he goes to sit up gingerly. Sure, he feels like a total idiot, but he wasn’t **_dead,_** so he’s got that going for him.

The sound of his fellow campers’ voices echo around him. It's a cacophony of questions:  _"where's the flag? Where did they go? Did they… go over the edge?"_  They quickly died out, seemingly right as Percy starts to call out to them.  

Because  _of course. Of fucking course._  Damn this Finagle's law bullshit.

Stretching, Percy startles when he digs his elbow into something that feels a lot less like ground and a lot more like ribs. His gaze darts to his arm and Percy’s face flares red with embarrassment at finding Luke underneath him. The blond’s staring at him with icy blue eyes narrowed, his expression giving off this air like he thinks Percy is the foolish person on the planet Earth. 

At this time, the brunet wouldn’t deny it. 

Dislodging himself from Luke’s person, Percy blurts out the first thing that comes to mind: "you lost the flag." As soon as the words come out, he wants the ground to just swallow him up and make him disappear. 

Luke grunts as he sits up slowly, fingers grasping at nothing like he had just realized that, _yup, the flag's gone_. 

"Yeah, I guess I did…" He sighs long-sufferingly, throwing his arms over his eyes. "And I’m pretty sure we lost.”  
  
Percy sours, chest puffing up as he prepares to complain. He quickly deflates before any witty retort has the chance to form. There’s no one to blame for their predicament but him. Sighing too, he lets the conversation drop in favor of looking around. They’ve fallen into a ravine, apparently, and it’s pretty damn deep. The walls are covered in thick looking vines, he notices. Naturally, Percy supposes that they could maybe climb up.

It’s as if Luke could read his thoughts. Just as Percy’s hand reaches out to grab hold of one of the vines, Luke clicks his tongue at him discouragingly.   
  
" _What?"_ Percy snaps, dropping his hands to his sides regardless.   
  
"You'll get yourself killed if you tried to get up that way." Luke explains coolly, not getting up from his spot.

At first, Percy wonders if his inactivity was due to getting hurt during the fall (or landing, whatever), but he quickly realizes that the blond’s being lazy. Huffing, the brunet crosses his arms, "so, what  **do**  we do?" 

Luke shrugs, tucking his arms under his head and looking for all the world like he was lying in the most comfortable spot ever. "We wait for rescue," he answers plainly.  
  
" _ **What**_? That’s your grand plan? Who knows when that will be?" Percy argues back.

Luke hums, crossing his feet at the ankles. "Someone will remember us. One of the perks of being head of a cabin is that I'm not easily disposable," he explains nonchalantly. 

"So, what..." Percy starts pacing without even noticing it, "we just stay here until sun down? What happens if some, like, animals show up? Or we get hungry? What if..." 

Abruptly, Luke sits up, "do you always talk  _this_  much?"

Percy blushes before he can stop himself. Clearing his throat, he puts his back to Luke. "At least I'm actually taking this situation seriously—whoa, hey!" Luke’s arms circle around his waist, making him gasp in surprise. 

"No, you're freaking out," Luke asserts, breathing into his ear. Panicking, Percy starts trying to squirm out of the blond’s hold—it shouldn’t surprise him that Luke is actually _really_ fucking strong. Any attempt at calming him only makes Percy struggle more heartily. At this point, the teen doesn’t even know why he’s reacting so harshly, but Percy has a feeling it has something to do with being pressed to close to the blond. 

Forcing his mouth to do something other than make weird shapes, the brunet forces out: “Okay… okay! Let me go!” Surprisingly, Luke does as he’s told. As soon as his arms release Percy, the younger teen goes stumbling forward.

“Someone will come get us, so don’t think this is where it ends for us,” Luke says resolutely. 

It takes him a moment to even process what Luke is saying because, truth be told, Percy isn’t even thinking about being rescued anymore. Honestly, though, he doesn’t even want to think about what he’s _really_ thinking about. Trying not to look awkward, the brunet shrugs off Luke’s declaration. It occurs to him that he dropped Riptide when he fell; it’s kind of a blessing in disguise, Percy preoccupies himself with looking for it. Anything would help to take his mind off of this predicament.

Wandering up to the nearby creek, Percy groans as he realizes that it had probably long since reverted back to a pen. Kneeling down, he squints into the shale looking for the tell-tale glint of silver. 

He probably looks for Riptide for ten whole minutes before Luke gets up, kneels beside him, sticks his hand in the murky water and retrieves the thing in  _ten seconds_. 

"Here," Luke offers it to him.  
  
Percy looks mildly impressed, “thanks.” Reaching out for it, the brunet sort of expects Luke to snatch it away as childishly as he does. It doesn’t stop him from getting irritated though. "What gives?" Percy snaps angrily.   
  
Luke smiles, all pearly whites and charm (because  _of course_  he would have the most dazzling smile literally  **ever** ). The blond pulls his arm back just as Percy goes to grab the pen again, using his superior height to his advantage. "I just thought of a way to pass the time," he offers mischievously. 

"And what’s that? To act like a jerk the entire time?" Percy responds bitterly, crossing his arms. He wasn’t pouting, he’s refusing to play Luke’s game is all. 

Luke chuckles in response, "no, that's not _at all_ what I had in mind." He sounds distant despite being so close and confusion flickers over Percy’s face at this. Sea green eyes meet light blue and Percy’s face colors again at the realization that Luke is _staring at him._ His gaze moves down and Percy doesn’t need to be an expert at reading expressions or body language to know that Luke is staring at his mouth. Wait… _Luke. Wants._ _To. Kiss. Him._   

Suddenly, the brunet is aware of the scant space between them and the way Luke starting leaning down to eliminate it. Percy's breath catches in his throat, his eyes feel like they’re being held open by a vice, like he couldn’t possibly tear away from what’s unfolding in front of him. Luke’s lips brush his and Percy’s so utterly overwhelmed by his nerves that he screws his eyes shut. His face is  _ **burning**_. But he doesn’t pull away as Luke presses his lips closer, their breaths intermingling in the scant space between them.  
  
Luke seems to be gauging his reaction; Percy’s lack of action makes Luke pull away. “w-what was that?” the teen stutters, eyes flying open to find Luke grinning at him, “w-why did you kiss me?” 

The blond’s expression doesn’t falter. Instead of responding, he closes the distance once more and takes full advantage of Percy's open mouth. The second kiss is noticeably different from the first: for one, it's wet and warm, Luke's tongue is an insistent pressure inside of his mouth, neither familiar nor unwelcomed as it licks all over. The other noticeable difference is that Percy kisses him back. The brunet’s grimy fingers twist in Luke's orange camp-half blood shirt, pulling the blond closer.  
  
Percy hasn't a clue  **why**  they’re making out. Luke is cool, but he’s pretty sure he can’t stand him. And that he’s attracted to girls anyway. Like, shouldn’t he be in crisis mode? 

Percy shudders as Luke released his mouth, gasping for much needed air. He barely has a chance to recover before Luke’s mouth is on his neck, lips traveling all over his jaw and exposed collarbones. _Whoa, that’s hot…_ The brunet’s skin tingles everywhere Luke's stubble rubs against it and that’s hot too. 

And…. Percy never thought he would ever know what it felt like to have stubble burn. To be more specific, stubble burn from kissing another, and much older,  _ **guy**_. 

Percy’s fingers cards through Luke’s short hair, pulling as he desperately joins their mouths once again.

And just when Luke’s hands started to drift to his ass, just when things are about to spiral out of control (because today’s just been one whole piss-take), Percy’s opening his eyes to a series of flashing lights.

He blinks, maneuvering in Luke’s hold until he can properly look up and— _oh_ …

There’s the heads of each cabin. And Mr. D…

Because  _of course._


End file.
